Droplets from the voyage of a trans-woman

 Wait, already? I visited HUS on wednesday, for year later inspection. Everything was fine according to the surgeon. And I realized how rough she has been all the time. I just haven't felt it before so it was bit of a shock. But, no problems with urinary retention or anything really, only occasional (rather intensive) sting of pain which lasts usually only couple of seconds. Sometimes longer, but less than minute and those are less intense. I'm guessing it relates to nerves healing and the surgeon said that they take time to heal as an answer to my pondering. It also looks like a pussy, like it should. I have next visit in two years, 3 years after surgery. I hope everything has healed completely then, though tactile feel is pretty much only thing lacking so. Talking about tactile feel, it is rather good nowadays. There's almost numb spots still, especially on top (between labia) and under (in the vagina) the edematous tissue. But the vagina, especially the deep end, labias ...

6 months, half a year. Long - or short, time. For me it feels like both at the same time, so much has happened but it feels like I'm missing month or two. Straight to the point: I feel like I'm roughly 2 months late what comes to general recovery of the surgery. My tactile feel is starting to get better and I can actually feel light touch in some spots. There's quite good tactile feel on clitoris as well, maybe little bit on hypersensitive side even. The swelling has gotten smaller, though it's still bit swollen. But not by much. There's still no erogenous feel though, unfortunately. And because of that, my libido is rather low most of the time. There's couple of days in a month (clearly tied to hormonal cycle) when it's really high but rest of the time - not so much. I don't feel suffering though, just little frustrated. But, like I said, I feel like I'm bit late in the recovery, most likely thanks to the necrosis, so I'm confident that the prop...

 Checkup time again~ This time it was just surgeon and two random nurses, of which one was student most likely, considering how she looked my pussy with interest. Everything has healed well, the tactile feel isn't there yet but I have got some feeling of pain, so it's coming back eventually. AFAIK the pain and feel of cold are the first ones as those are the finest nerves. I'm confident that it will be fine, it will just take more time. But how much, that's still unknown. The surgeon said that usually everything will be pretty much normalised and head has adjusted in about one year. My clitoris is super sensitive nowadays. Anything more than very light touch starts to hurt right away and I don't have any erogenous feel yet. I was able to get the orgasms, like I wrote previously but that's outright impossible to achieve now as it would require more delicacy than I'm able to handle. Vibrator is way too much.  My sleep has stabilised to midnight - 8:00 now. Tha...

 Ok, enough to write to post has happened again. I saw my neurologists bit over a week ago, on wednesday. She was surprised that my migraine situation has gotten much better now. I told her that I would like to get rid of Noritren and maybe get Orloc back as it worked so well in the past. After chatting a little bit about the surgery and migraine situation, we talked quite a long time about my sleep. And I understand now why. Noritren was left out, and I can really feel the withdrawal symptoms. The most interesting one is - sleeping. I haven't got any migraines and I have a feeling that that might be tied to hormonal cycle now, if I get migraine between 11th and 24th, then it will be hormonal cycle migraine, it has been bit too consistent to that.  So, sleep. I have slept a hecking lot. Like a cat actually. Almost right after the med was left out, I went to sleep in normal time, around 23 as I was rather tired. But, I slept only 6 hours, waking up refreshed! Refreshed!! But it...

 Check-up time again~ I planned to write once or twice in between the two visits but .. well, I didn't. Today gave some great news though, it has healed really well so all the restrictions I had left were lifted. I can go to sauna for example! ✨ I kinda started to miss it already. I might go as soon as today~ Dilatation. I bought two dilators from kaalimato right after last visit and they were super fast, I got the package the very next day! I bought one with two different sizes, 2.5cm diameter and 3.5cm diameter. I have mostly used the bigger one as the smaller started to feel quite small very quickly. My depth is about 10 cm currently, which is not that much imo, though definitely enough to have sex. People with bigger equipment just needs to be careful to not ram too deep. The dilatation itself is somewhat boring as my tactile feel is so lacking still. It's getting better in the deep end of the vagina, so I can actually feel a bit what I'm poking. Minimum time to dilata...

 Alright, checkup - done. This time it was only specialist nurse. She looked at it and everything looked good, it has healed really well. Especially vagina. So, I got permission to dilate and masturbate ✨ I have waited that for so long, I was suffering because I had forcefully shut down my libido. OK, my tactile feel is so impaired still that I doubt I can orgasm just yet but at least I'm allowed to try. It might very well be possible. So, I need to buy dilators. Nurse said that I can buy quite big ones right away (roughly diameter of the oculum, so, 2-2.5cm) as I'm so deep and instructed how to do the dilatation. Which is basically "make it bigger with the tool" by inserting and stirring. Also, I need to do it for 10 minutes per day, wow. I do want to get better tactile feeling before having sex though, it would be just annoying if I don't feel much. I'm looking forward for all the sensations though. 🥰 Otherwise, the healing is happening slowly but steadily....

 Long time, no post. Not much has happened though. I called to hormone clinic on monday, nurse called back on tuesday and endocrinologists called on wednesday. She said that it's fine to raise hormones back to full dosage, which I did yesterday. She also said that it's impossible to say if I need finasteride, there isn't any blood test they could do (I actually doubt that..), it's up to me if I feel like I need it. So, I just need to make a note how much I lose hair and if it starts to get up, then start finasteride again. The call was kind of ..useless, I'm not sure who the doctor actually was but the way she talked was "yeah, you didn't have anything more important to say?". So, I had half dosage for a week and now full dosage again. The week was really annoying, the hot flashes got very intense and they still were quite constant. "Hey, this is the good stuff! But this is not enough, we want more! *throws tantrum*". Just the past ~30 hours ...

 Checkup time again! Went to see the specialist nurse and surgeon again. Healing is progressing steadily and my ability to function with it. Surgeon was able to remove all the remaining necrosis, so body should understand now that hey, everything is ok now, no need to swell up everything. I was allowed to start hormones again too! First two weeks with half dosage and then to full, it might be bit too much for the body to jump back to full dosage right away. Thanks to the resume of hormones, I'm feeling teeny tiny bit tipsy. And tired. Tiredness could be just genuine lack of sleep though, I didn't sleep much last night as I have fucked up my sleeping rhythm again. I got some major hot flashes while writing this, so the hormones really are starting to buzz. Gosh, it's finally starting to be over the worst part. I'm also injecting the last anticoagulant, Klexane, today. Which means that I'm back to my normal medication. I will wait for couple of days to sync my meds an...

 Oh gosh. It's kinda nice that days are different but it's sometimes bit annoying as well Past couple of days has been really hard for me for some reason. I'm very tired, apathetic, unwilling to do anything. I think I charged my social batteries bit too much on tuesday by going to the checkup AND theatre rehearsals after that. The next day after that was bit of a pain, clit area seeped blood quite a bit (though nothing normal pad couldn't handle) so I kinda overdid it. But apparently charging the battery by actually seeing people activated me enough that being alone, almost tied to the bed because of unpleasant feelings, drained it super fast. And it has been downhill from there. It's hard to go to shower, and get out from there. Struggle to go grocery shopping. I just want to sleep, though I'm not tired so it's just laying in the bed, doing nothing or maybe listening music, sometimes checking discord, telegram, whatsapp, slack and instagram. Those medias ar...

 Alright, checkup - done! Everything is proceeding smoothly There was little bit of hassle as the other specialist nurse is sick and the other one is super busy so they tuned the time one hour earlier. It was fine, I was planning to go lunch with one of my best friends (the same one who visited me in hospital) before the appointment but as the time was tuned, I went after. Was just fine though, 1pm isn't super late for lunch yet. We went to Muji, which is japanese ..thing? in Kamppi mall. There's restaurant and all kinds of goods, reminds me a bit of those convenience stores in mangas but fancier and the ingredients they had were very specific. But they had even furnitures! All kinds of goods from Japan. I really need to visit it properly at later date after payday.  The checkup itself was rather interesting. I got on gynecological examination table (first time ever actually in that kind of gynecological examination position, pussy wide open 😂) and the nurse took initial look...

Holy heck recovery is interesting. So, some of the texts appeared into omakanta, and I'm too lazy to translate them as 99% of the readers understand finnish anyway. First the text of the department doctor: Hoidon syy Kyseessä 33-vuotias male to female-transsukupuolinen potilas. Edeltävästi yhteisymmärryksessä potilaan kanssa päädytty vaginoplastialeikkaukseen ja toimenpiteeseen liittyvät odotetut hyödyt ja mahdolliset riskit tiedostaen. Suunnitellusti 20.10. vaginoplastia, vulvoplastia, meatoplastia, penektomia ja orkiektomia. Viittaan kohteliaimmin tarkempaan toimenpidekertomukseen. Leikkaus sujunut ongelmitta ilman välittömiä komplikaatioita. Loppuarvio (epikriisi) Osastoseurannassa potilaan vointi leikkauksen jälkeen hyvä. Ollut vuodelevossa ensimmäiseen siteenvaihtoon 26.10. asti. Virtsaputken suulla ollut hematoomaa, muuten leikkausalue ja haavat siistit. Potilas päässyt asteittain mobilisoitumaan, virtsakatetri poistettu 27.10. Klitoriksen hupussa pienellä alueella nekroosia,...

 Ooops, forgot yesterday. Well, I was dispatched and super tired! So, yesterday was the last night in the hospital. I had some hot flashes again before falling asleep, making it slower but was able to sleep rather well anyway. The morning went pretty much by just waiting that am I really going to be released, and after I got confirmation around 10 am, I started little by little gather my things together and swap to normal clothes. I was pretty much ready around 1 pm, when I got my papers. The only problem with them was that the medical certificate for sick leave was written between 20.10. - 2.12., which wasn't what they promised me and told the nurse about that. I had monday 19th as sick leave in time tracking thingy at work already, so I couldn't use the certificate as is. After a half an hour or so, I got new, correct medical certificate with different dates. This time starting correctly from 19.10. but was written until 10.12. 😂 Well, whatever, one more week off work than w...

 What a time in here. I'm gonna be pushed home tomorrow. I almost forgot so writing with phone. I'm getting better all the time and start to feel like I could go home. Only problem is that I like being here, I live alone and I can see people here. But, it's still better to go home, I guess. To see friends if nothing else. I finally got normal bed. The space age mattress was really annoying now when I started to be able to actually move in the bed and from it. This one is also bit more slim so the bedside table is closer and goes lower so I was able to watch anime like I thought. Laptop on top of the bedside table tray, tray thing as high as possible and use the functionality of the laptop to get the screen to the front edge of the tray. Worked very nicely! Though the Internet throughput didn't, I watched only two episodes, even those were just barely able to stream through the thing. Part of the reason is that I need to use vpn for some reason to connect to my plex. Wel...

 Oh gosh, tiny bit of physical exercise and this small girl is exhausted. So, I have walked quite a lot today. Or, well, "lot". But maybe double the amount I walked yesterday! It has been more and more stable, even the physiotherapist said that I don't need her anymore, so before she left I asked some casual things like if I drop something at home, how should I pick it up, etc. Basically which movements are better than the others and bottom line seemed to be that the less crotch area and muscles attaching to there moves, the better. So, doing "bad" lifting in this point is actually better as if you do the "frog descend", you might rip the stitches. Those are very weak still, even while the stitches themselves are dissolved mostly already. Extreme movements, like putting socks on, are not good either like I wrote previously but in case of socks, I may do that carefully. They didn't mention which method is the best, I should ask it tomorrow. I also g...

HECKING GOSH! Real food! Shower! The Reveal! Ok, I wasn't expecting that they came 8:30 am to take the package away, surgeon removing it and checking the vagina with speculum briefly while specialist nurse supported and took me to shower afterwards. It happened on "bed" designed to showers, so, I was able to be mostly horizontal while washing myself. Felt really good to finally get that sweat properly away. It has been very busy around here as the nurse should have helped me with the first cleanup of the pussy, as I don't even have the things for it, or then I just misunderstood. She did bring written instructions how to do it however, which are simple enough that I might be able to do it by myself without showing first. As the reveal was after the breakfast the first real food was lunch. It wasn't amazing as a dish but when you have eaten just liquid things for a week, even shitty (proper) hospital food starts to be really good. It was mashed potatoes, some saus...

 Calm day, I actually started to consume the entertainment I prepared for myself. Today has been much calmer day, I have read manga or chatted with my neighbor most of the time. She's really nice, was completely unfazed when I told what was the operation they did to me and apparently is poly as well.  Something bad though as well. I got some kind of sting to my pussy, like the kind you get after you pee really dark pee. So, they clamped my urethral catheter, waited two hours, took the sample by unfastening the tube middle point thingy and draining from there, refastening and unclamping. Just checking if I have urethritis. Which would be funny thing to get with 5 days old pussy 😂😂😂. I think I will hear about it tomorrow. "I told you I have high libido" 😂. Or at least I assume the love juices will still come from the same tube, just before the bladder, so the catheter goes past that. I have mentally prepared myself already for eating lots of cranberries etc to keep the ...

 Something funny always happens right after previous blog post 😂 This time it was breaking epidular. It started to leak from somewhere around the neck as it was inserted in the very low-end of the spine but was brought up next to the neck, taped down to the skin with some fancy second skin tape, and to the normal tube, which went through pump to the actual bag containing the med. The nurse checked the epidular like every other night before saying good night and noticed that some of the liquid has leaked from the epidular and wiped it off. After chatting a while with friends with phone I felt that some small drops were running down my back, called the nurse and she checked that the neck piece was fine, no leaks there but there was liquid under the tape around the area there was last time. So, they stopped the pump, cleaned up the leak and called anesthesia physician. The anticoagulant is continued 10 days (IIRC) after the surgery and that was administered already, so the ...

Oh wow. Such day. Very ..something Yesterday truly was the pain day so far, I have been rather painless today as they tuned the medication, so I was actually able to sleep properly. There was some major and painful flatulance yesterday evening as bowel was rebooting. That was horrible. 0/10 would not recommend. The reboot has continued today, without pain though. Only rumbling. Eating was kinda hard for some reason today. Yeah, it's pretty dull and only liquids but getting things down from my throat has been the problem. Even taking meds has been little harder today. No idea why. I hope it's only the position my body is in. Annoying nevertheless. I have had more sensations from the pussy, including mild stings, which lasts couple of seconds. They most likely are part of the healing process according to the nurses but they have written them up. The more data for the doctor, the better. It's harder to think back how painful something was than just read what I though at that t...

 Today has been the pain day. But not in of the surgery area So, today has been really painful. It was hard to sleep, had to ask for pain killers two times during the night and even doc specialised to handling pain paid a visit and asked some questions. I have the epidural so my pussy is painless :3 It's my back which is the problem as people aren't designed to lay in bed in one position for extended perionds of time. So, pain handling is necessary. The pain is strangely concentrated to certain areas as well now, during the night my whole back was super sore. Moving myself to the amount I can should help as well, groin area should stay still, physiotherapist came to tell me what should I do and checked my movement abilities etc. My pussy is healing nicely as well, it isn't seeping much anymore and I have had some sensations as well as body is figuring things out. Mostly ticklish clit, or that's how it feels like. It's kinda nice feeling though. And some permanent sm...

 Alright, brains funtions better now. So, the surgery went well and the surgeon came to see me briefly in the morning. She also said that "there was enough material to work with" 😂 Well, better for me as it hopefully means that I don't need to stretch it to be able to use toys 💜 They put epidural for me, which is really interesting. It blocks feelings of cold and pain but not sensation. So, now when other medication has started to wear out, I start to feel other things. During the last hour my clit has itched a bit. Or something around there. It's really interesting! It's also starting to sink in that I don't have penis. That I really have pussy. The sensations are still all over the place as body is still figuring out what the heck is happening, how the tissues are now. Though, it's only second day after the surgery so it will take some time. I have ~absolute movement restriction until monday, I may move tiny bit in the bed, but very little. I need to k...