Droplets from the voyage of a trans-woman

Another rather nice week. Apart from monday, rest of the week has been rather nice. Not especially good days but clearly more sunny than rainy. I have also slept better than in ages, for some reason, which has been really nice. I even remember seeing dreams (though, not what happened in them), which is huge. I haven't had dreams in something like 15 years. So, slowly to the better. I have kept myself busy as I just can't handle whole day without seeing people. It feels so weird. The better I get, the more extrovert I become. And I don't have friend network of an extrovert. Today I went to see my parents and felt down because I had "socializing hungover", but because I haven't seen people enough , not because I have seen them too much. Yesterday was Hypecon, so I saw people but as our studio wasn't advertised and it was bit hidden, not many people found it. And for the same reason I just looked people wandering around, which isn't enough for me. I w...

I was bit too busy yesterday (and got stuck later into interesting conversation) so didn't have time to write. Doing it now then. Past week was underlining the fact I'm extrovert. Thursday was public holiday so I took friday as saldo leave, to get 4-day weekend. That friday was major mistake. Being at home whole day passivates me so much that my mood goes through the floor, trying to crawl into the soil. Even though I spent pretty much whole thursday and saturday at work playing Elite: Dangerous with the VR set we have there. But friday was very hard mentally. Fortunately there was some Tracon stuff happening on sunday so that was good reason to leave home for a while. The passive feeling is so numbing. I don't want to read, watch, play or otherwise do anything. So I just start reading manga or book, read it little bit, then put it away if it wasn't interesting enough (those rarely are in that amount of reading). Or play enough to get into the game and then put i...

I'm writing this under TMI section because I want to open a little bit, but it is still mostly my usual mindflow. Just be warned. Past week was actually rather amusing. I have had so many good days in a row now that I feel puzzled. There was only one less good day in the middle but even that was more good day than bad day. I was just exhausted from the trip. The work trip itself went really well, it was good to see people I'm working with. I was also able to do rather long work days on monday and thursday, so even when I had friday off on purpose, I was able to get 20 plus hours, so I had almost normal work week in 100% contract! That's a lot of hours in 4 days. But the hectiness didn't stop there, on thursday we had unit evening. On friday I had appointment with psychologist and after that I went to see my parents. Yesterday was Tracon's recreation day. So we went to play some mini golf and had dinner after that. There happened to be some party of one of the a...

It's fascinating how my mind swings work. Today was slow-starting day, I didn't even have alarm clock ringing as it is weekend. After eating breakfast and overthinking everything once more with coffee, I managed to psyche myself up to wash some laundry and do some paper war. But, those services had maintenance break so ended up just chatting with friends. And after I got laundry to dry, I went to work to play Elite: Dangerous as we have VR headset (HTC Vive) there and my colleague brought his HOTAS there as well. So I have spoiled myself with those, that game is so much better with proper flight sticks and in VR. After playing some hours, friend/colleague (=ex-co-husband) sent message that if I was still playing Elite at work and as I was, he paid a visit. After finishing my remaining missions, we went to grab some dinner (in burger king...) and as it was so nice day, I decided to walk home. My friend went with me as his wife was at work at the same side of the city where I...

This is mix of HRT update, rambling and whatever. I just had so bad feeling that I had to let it out somewhere. Though I don't even know what should I write. Last month hasn't been one bit easier than previous one. I'm getting exhausted so easily that I wonder how I am even able to do anything at all. Three hour workdays are pretty much maximum for me currently. If I work longer, I'm just laying on a sofa rest of the day or something. I also divorced from my partner. I wasn't able to put enough effort towards it and she was so busy with her life that she didn't have time or energy to keep up the relationship by herself. And relationships aren't like that anyway, they need support from all participating ends. So, our feelings just died and we agreed that we will drop the romantic part away and stay as just friends. It's easier for both. I'm also feeling that I'm not going to be in a relationship for a while, I just don't have enough energ...

It has been extremely rough one and a half months. This post will be more me writing out the bad feelings than about the HRT, as not much has happened. Well, let's talk about the HRT first. Last month was just sum up of previous year so looking bit further than one month. After the depression med, voxra, was left out, hormones started to work differently, more strongly. Because of that I went to blood tests, and doctor said that they are now in very good levels, testosterone was 0.2 (way less than cis-woman normally would have) and estradiol was 0.62 (around same amount cis-woman would have). So, happy about that. My boobs ache every now and then so they are still growing and my muscles are sore. And I notice more and more that I have lost a lot of strength. Though, my weight hasn't changed much, so it must have been converted to fat. The sick leave ended with me going back to work. But as I was almost 6 weeks away, my occupational doctor thought it would be good idea to ta...

One year. It's a short and a long time at the same time. So much can (and has) happen in a year but it's still just 1.27% of average lifespan (79 years). This post will contain TMI part, which I will disclose as this post is gonna be very long one. It's mostly just a sum up though. So, 1 year ago, about 08:00 in the morning, I applied first patch to my skin and took first anti-androgen pill. How the medication has went? I'm using Estradot patches as estrogen and spironolactone as anti-androgen. In addition to those, I'm using migraine inhibitors. The dosages started with 25µg with estradot and 50mg with spironolactone. Estradot is small(ish) piece of white, translucent, flexible plastic patch with glue on the other side. The estradiol is mixed into the glue and it will permeate the skin and go straight to the bloodstream. The glue is same in every dosage, only size is different. Spironolactone is normal pill. In addition I'm using finasteride as I was baldin...