TMI: Wandering thoughts 19
I'm writing this under TMI section because I want to open a little bit, but it is still mostly my usual mindflow. Just be warned.
Past week was actually rather amusing. I have had so many good days in a row now that I feel puzzled. There was only one less good day in the middle but even that was more good day than bad day. I was just exhausted from the trip. The work trip itself went really well, it was good to see people I'm working with. I was also able to do rather long work days on monday and thursday, so even when I had friday off on purpose, I was able to get 20 plus hours, so I had almost normal work week in 100% contract! That's a lot of hours in 4 days. But the hectiness didn't stop there, on thursday we had unit evening. On friday I had appointment with psychologist and after that I went to see my parents. Yesterday was Tracon's recreation day. So we went to play some mini golf and had dinner after that. There happened to be some party of one of the associations which used to be behind Tracon some time ago, so some of the people went there. I went too as I knew there will be a lot of old friends.
That party was.. Let's say interesting. I almost fell for two people in there, did BDSM test and whined about my boobs as they were quite achy yesterday. Also drank some cider and talked about boobs with one big-boobed cis-woman. The result of the test didn't surprise me one bit. 100% of four things, submissive (=I want to be dominated), brat (=I want to be teasingly against the domination), rope bunny (=I want to be tied) and non-monogamist. And high (some very) scores, in masochist (79%, I like pain), experimentalist (79%, I want to try new things), exhibitionist (60%, I like show my body naked to others), degradee (59%, I like to be degraded and humiliated), slave (56%, I want to hand control to the mistress) and vanilla (55%, I like regular sex as well). Most of them are spot-on, but I'm not so sure about degradee and slave. Maybe little bit, like the percents suggests. But I have strong mind and own opinions, like the score in brat suggests.
BDSM test caused some talk about it (I wasn't only one doing it), which caused the almost falling for two people. One female and one male, though I'm not 100% sure about them, as they are aware of the diversity of gender. At least they are assumed like so. He kinda took light dominant grip on me, made she do pigtails for me, touched me a little bit and gave couple of wet kisses. Especially those kisses kinda came behind the tree, I wasn't prepared for them a single bit, to any of them. But he asked my consent (which I appreciate) before starting any of that and I gave it so it was more than just ok, I liked it. It was also first time I kissed someone with beard. Also kinda underlined how submissive I really am. I even braided those pigtails 😂.
It kinda sucks that monogamy is so norm, so if some people want non-monogamy, it's usually not ok. Also that my state of mind is so bad right now that I can't be in any kind of relationship. I want kisses, cuddles and attention, though.
The amount of good days had me thinking why there has been so many of them. I have come to the conclusion that hormones have done more to my head, as that happens slowly anyway, as well as that light phenomenon on the sky. So I'm more sensitive to the sun. My mind reflects more the weather outside. Like it's sunny rain outside right now, but it doesn't shine all the time, it's kinda mess. Rain causes lower feelings but the sun brightens them. I'm starting to understand my mind swings. Some of the swings starts to be in the sunny side of the spectrum as well now. So even while my general performance is really poor right now, I'm still going to positive direction. I'm just stumbling on the way little bit. Which is part of life. As well as the moodiness of women, which I'm really starting to have and I kinda love it even while it's bit cumbersome in time to time.
My visit to HYKS was also re-scheduled. I'm going there 10.6. to see specialist nurse and not the surgeon. But it might be better this way, I will get more information about the schedule of the process and other information as well much sooner. I really wish I could get under the knife right after Tracon. But, I will know more after the visit.
I'm starting to get hang of writing weekly again \^_^/. Til' next time~!
Past week was actually rather amusing. I have had so many good days in a row now that I feel puzzled. There was only one less good day in the middle but even that was more good day than bad day. I was just exhausted from the trip. The work trip itself went really well, it was good to see people I'm working with. I was also able to do rather long work days on monday and thursday, so even when I had friday off on purpose, I was able to get 20 plus hours, so I had almost normal work week in 100% contract! That's a lot of hours in 4 days. But the hectiness didn't stop there, on thursday we had unit evening. On friday I had appointment with psychologist and after that I went to see my parents. Yesterday was Tracon's recreation day. So we went to play some mini golf and had dinner after that. There happened to be some party of one of the associations which used to be behind Tracon some time ago, so some of the people went there. I went too as I knew there will be a lot of old friends.
That party was.. Let's say interesting. I almost fell for two people in there, did BDSM test and whined about my boobs as they were quite achy yesterday. Also drank some cider and talked about boobs with one big-boobed cis-woman. The result of the test didn't surprise me one bit. 100% of four things, submissive (=I want to be dominated), brat (=I want to be teasingly against the domination), rope bunny (=I want to be tied) and non-monogamist. And high (some very) scores, in masochist (79%, I like pain), experimentalist (79%, I want to try new things), exhibitionist (60%, I like show my body naked to others), degradee (59%, I like to be degraded and humiliated), slave (56%, I want to hand control to the mistress) and vanilla (55%, I like regular sex as well). Most of them are spot-on, but I'm not so sure about degradee and slave. Maybe little bit, like the percents suggests. But I have strong mind and own opinions, like the score in brat suggests.
BDSM test caused some talk about it (I wasn't only one doing it), which caused the almost falling for two people. One female and one male, though I'm not 100% sure about them, as they are aware of the diversity of gender. At least they are assumed like so. He kinda took light dominant grip on me, made she do pigtails for me, touched me a little bit and gave couple of wet kisses. Especially those kisses kinda came behind the tree, I wasn't prepared for them a single bit, to any of them. But he asked my consent (which I appreciate) before starting any of that and I gave it so it was more than just ok, I liked it. It was also first time I kissed someone with beard. Also kinda underlined how submissive I really am. I even braided those pigtails 😂.
It kinda sucks that monogamy is so norm, so if some people want non-monogamy, it's usually not ok. Also that my state of mind is so bad right now that I can't be in any kind of relationship. I want kisses, cuddles and attention, though.
The amount of good days had me thinking why there has been so many of them. I have come to the conclusion that hormones have done more to my head, as that happens slowly anyway, as well as that light phenomenon on the sky. So I'm more sensitive to the sun. My mind reflects more the weather outside. Like it's sunny rain outside right now, but it doesn't shine all the time, it's kinda mess. Rain causes lower feelings but the sun brightens them. I'm starting to understand my mind swings. Some of the swings starts to be in the sunny side of the spectrum as well now. So even while my general performance is really poor right now, I'm still going to positive direction. I'm just stumbling on the way little bit. Which is part of life. As well as the moodiness of women, which I'm really starting to have and I kinda love it even while it's bit cumbersome in time to time.
My visit to HYKS was also re-scheduled. I'm going there 10.6. to see specialist nurse and not the surgeon. But it might be better this way, I will get more information about the schedule of the process and other information as well much sooner. I really wish I could get under the knife right after Tracon. But, I will know more after the visit.
I'm starting to get hang of writing weekly again \^_^/. Til' next time~!