Wandering thoughts 20

I was bit too busy yesterday (and got stuck later into interesting conversation) so didn't have time to write. Doing it now then.

Past week was underlining the fact I'm extrovert. Thursday was public holiday so I took friday as saldo leave, to get 4-day weekend. That friday was major mistake. Being at home whole day passivates me so much that my mood goes through the floor, trying to crawl into the soil. Even though I spent pretty much whole thursday and saturday at work playing Elite: Dangerous with the VR set we have there. But friday was very hard mentally. Fortunately there was some Tracon stuff happening on sunday so that was good reason to leave home for a while.

The passive feeling is so numbing. I don't want to read, watch, play or otherwise do anything. So I just start reading manga or book, read it little bit, then put it away if it wasn't interesting enough (those rarely are in that amount of reading). Or play enough to get into the game and then put it away. For watching, it's enough that I decide what I want to watch, then I'm exhausted to that already. And as I'm usually wearing pajamas at that time, even leaving home isn't usually option as it requires to put on some clothes. How troublesome! And I'm pretty sure that if you haven't had this feeling by yourself, you can't get grasp of what it really is. So I end up just lying on sofa, staring wall or ceiling and feeling extremely bored but exhausted at the same time.

After being like that I was able to start new manhwa (=korean manga), which was interesting enough that it sucked me into it. 99 chapters long webtoon named What does the fox say?, with quite long chapters for a webtoon, so very long story. And I read it in something like 8 hours. Which was good as it consumed most of the day so I was able to go to sleep after finishing it.

Oh, and the start of the week! I had surprisingly good days, so I got half an hour plus saldos even after having friday off. Which was really nice. I'm certain that it won't take me too long (=less than year 😂) to get myself back up and away from the pit, if I have this kind of progression.

I went to see my occupational doctor again today. We talked about how I was feeling, eating and nutritions so she wrote blood tests to check blood count and ferritin as well as wrote reference for nutritionist to get some kind of nutrition plan for me, even if I'm not able to keep into it. As I have been little bit tired and I thought it might be lack of iron. And it's better to try to stay in that plan than eat whatever and make yourself feel miserable because of that. Everything affects to everything in body and I have a feeling that it will matter even more with female body. Or females are more sensitive to the imbalance.

I read couple of days ago from facebook some motivational pic that it's better to try even a little bit than not to do at all. Like, it's better to brush teeth even for 30 seconds than not at all, even while you should brush for 2 minutes. Maybe that could be tool for me to release the choking grip from myself. Time will also help, with realization that something needs to be done. Similar thing happened to my personality, so this might be the next step.

But, I'm feeling sleepy so off to bed. 'Til next time~

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