After party
The party is over and went quite well. I had forgotten that when I'm surrounded by that kind of mob, I get panic attack. Fortunatelly I was able to suppress it and I talked with my dear friend (see post #2) through fb messenger which helped a lot. I also came out from closet to two persons during the evening, both took it very well. I'm feeling that one of them might become quite good friend of mine, but let's see how things go. I also noticed that alcohol affects me differently now. I get much dizzier faster and the drunkness has euphoric edge in it. I also feel especially feminine while drunk. But, the party definitely did what I wished, I saw lot's of my friends and it was refreshment. I also noticed that I want to hug everyone when I get tipsy in that kind of crowd. Not that it is a bad thing!
I wanted to wear the corset today. I even got first tab from busk attached but not second, so it's very close! 1-2kg more and I will fit it. And it's not that I would break the corset with wearing it too soon, it's more like I cannot get it on :D. OK, it's possible to break it but I'm careful and won't bend it from wrong place. Damn I miss that piece of clothing. As well as couple of other pieces, like my skirt.
I wish the process would be in progress already. Or, well, it is, but further. That I could start eating estrogen. For some reason I want that feel-rollercoaster. I want to be able to cry more than 3 drops. I want more of this euphoric feeling. I want to feel fragile. I want to cry on someones shoulder. I want to be weak. I'm sick of being the one who will always be that pillar who takes that shit and be dependable and strong all the time. It's fine sometimes but not all the time. And I'm not able to do any of that thanks to testosterone. I also wonder if they do the whole half year inspection to me this time. I wish they don't as I have been through it already. But they might as there has been several years in between. I'm not exactly same person anymore. But I'm also very much too fat still so I will get more time to lose it if they do.
My mom called me today. She said that she had talked this with my dad quite a bit and have googled about the process. About all the bad things that might happen. I told her that it is worst case scenario and something like embolism (veritulppa in finnish) is much more likely for older person than me. She also asked that when I start to eat estrogen and there starts to be physical changes that I would visit them more often. As the changes will happen over time so they can get used to them. I can see no harm in that. Only more spent money but then I can ask for some >:). Although it would be much easier if I still have the car at that time. Well, we will see.
But, it's very late so off to sleep!
I wanted to wear the corset today. I even got first tab from busk attached but not second, so it's very close! 1-2kg more and I will fit it. And it's not that I would break the corset with wearing it too soon, it's more like I cannot get it on :D. OK, it's possible to break it but I'm careful and won't bend it from wrong place. Damn I miss that piece of clothing. As well as couple of other pieces, like my skirt.
I wish the process would be in progress already. Or, well, it is, but further. That I could start eating estrogen. For some reason I want that feel-rollercoaster. I want to be able to cry more than 3 drops. I want more of this euphoric feeling. I want to feel fragile. I want to cry on someones shoulder. I want to be weak. I'm sick of being the one who will always be that pillar who takes that shit and be dependable and strong all the time. It's fine sometimes but not all the time. And I'm not able to do any of that thanks to testosterone. I also wonder if they do the whole half year inspection to me this time. I wish they don't as I have been through it already. But they might as there has been several years in between. I'm not exactly same person anymore. But I'm also very much too fat still so I will get more time to lose it if they do.
My mom called me today. She said that she had talked this with my dad quite a bit and have googled about the process. About all the bad things that might happen. I told her that it is worst case scenario and something like embolism (veritulppa in finnish) is much more likely for older person than me. She also asked that when I start to eat estrogen and there starts to be physical changes that I would visit them more often. As the changes will happen over time so they can get used to them. I can see no harm in that. Only more spent money but then I can ask for some >:). Although it would be much easier if I still have the car at that time. Well, we will see.
But, it's very late so off to sleep!