Droplets from the voyage of a trans-woman

One sweaty month has passed again. Most of it by vacationing. So, the month has been rather quiet as massive heat wave hit Finland and it has been around 30°C and my apartment is not much cooler. And I don't even have a fan. In the middle of the month, three weeks ago on monday my estradot dosage was risen to 100µg. I haven't felt much of a difference in feeling generally. Or the changes are so sneaky that I don't notice them. There have been couple of things I have noticed this month. Body hair is starting to get more translucent and thinner. Starting from tummy area, again, like when my skin started to get softer. My (head) hair grows longer and looks better. I haven't checked how big the thinned area is currently but the baldness is also curing, which is great news. Although I also noticed that my brows grows hair pretty much all over the place, much higher in the forehead than before HRT. Tweezers to the rescue! 😆 Another thing which has happened extremely sn...

I'm telling more-than-usual in this post, in uncensored manner, I apologize in advance. Also sorry if I use strange words as especially medical vocabulary is still unknown to me (I rely to google translate quite a much). If you are asexual (I know there are several in the readers), you might want to stop reading now. It's not over-the-top but much more than before. So, I want to talk about what hormones has done to me, when I still remember the time before I even started the voyage seriously over a year ago. What physical changes has happened and what mental changes has happened. I have told at least most of the mental changes but not all the physical. Let's start with the physical changes. My skin, muscles, erection, ejaculation, sensation, boobs, face, feet, hair (both in head and around the body), response to alcohol, pee and sweat has changed more or less. So, going through those one by one. My skin started to get softer quite soon after starting HRT. Starting ...

10 years of dark and rainy monday is starting to be left behind. But that doesn't mean it would be sunny weekend. Yet. Vacation. I have waited it for so long. 5 weeks of doing nothing. Watching anime. Playing video games. Maybe some dancing and having fun. Yesterday was Aicon. Our studio was there. So very silent convention in studio. But I did get little bit of my socializing needs at least. And I finally bought nemuneko! It is big, white and it has silver crown. I named her Umi-sama. Umi, because one of the meanings of Mira is ocean as well. And she has the crown so obviously she should be addressed as -sama. Umi-sama also reminded me about something. As I bought it mostly to be "hug-friend" and it's size is perfect for hugging, I had anxiety attack tonight. I hugged Umi-sama the whole evening, unable to let go. There is one part of in the way I socialize with people which I miss and need. Physical touch. I have written before how much I value it. And now ...

One month has passed again. It has been also whole year already when I wrote the very first blog post. I'll start with the past month. It has past relatively slowly and that isn't a bad thing. Medication works and only reason I have gotten several migraines is the climate, it has been too hot and humid for me. My face has continued to reshape itself, boobs have grown and I'm going through very consistently already. I also started to use pants, for couple of reasons. First, my skirt's zipper is breaking up, so it is hard to open and close. Second, it is SO MUCH easier to go to toilet with pants as my skirt is so loose that it will hit the ground no matter what I do and it is so long, heavy and sits so low on my hip that lifting it up doesn't work. Third, I started to go through better. Well, I'm blending to the crowd now as some humorous shirt isn't enough for people to think I'm weirdo. But the skirt was. It was rather surprising how much it affected. ...

Being drunk is interesting. It makes you think things from different perspective. Tonight, I have thought about the harsh contradiction in myself. In one end, there is the tech head. My work. Things I love to do with computers. Gaming. In another end, there are the girly things. Starting from makeup and clothes, ending to how I carry myself and how I observe world and imitate it. In third end, there is my bad side. How grim and self-reliant I am. And partly reflecting that, my ability to read people way better than I would like to. In the fourth end is what I want to show to the world. That I'm neutral, optimistic and liberal, can get along with everyone, I don't prejudge. I give certain amount of trust to everyone. And depending on your actions I judge you and you will either gain or lose trust. That is bit bad combination. In the history of mine, there are several occurrences when I have hitted below the belt with words very hard. I do it unconsciously when I'm pissed...

There is something going on in my mind, which has started way over a year ago and have evolved very slowly and almost unnoticed. I don't know what exactly started it, but the way my mind works has changed. Two years ago, I was rather introvert, doing things by myself or with spouse, exhausting from socialising and ignoring other people. Last weekend was desucon, on sunday I searched for someone to go eat lunch with, and couldn't find anyone. Almost skipped the whole meal but I was too hungry so went anyway. Tables were rather full but there was one end of an table, to where I went to eat. Moments later some other volunteers came to that spot as well. Before I would have just ignored them, concentrating to my own food and leaving ASAP. But I listened them and talked with them. And after getting back home, I was just physically exhausted as I'm not used to take pics all day. Mentally I was the opposite. And I didn't even got the dose I wanted. So, from where this need...

Not much has happened in these couple of days but writing something anyway as I felt like it. I'll start from yesterday. I went shopping with Certain Someone ^__^. She had to buy a gift for her friend and I asked her to help me to choose makeup. We also went to eat in Maruseki and had some coffee and otherwise good time. Loved it <3. And I poured quite a much money to makeup, but I have a feeling I made good choices. Foundation, dark circle concealer, purple lipstick, eyeshadow palette (Love you so mochi) and doll eye mascara from NYX, liquid eyeliner, perversion, from urban decay (didn't realize it was from urban decay until now, no wonder it felt so good when I tried it) and white highlighting fluid from urban decay as well aaaand powder from lumene. Almost 200€ in total 😱. But those will last for a while. And when I tried them a little bit, just bit something to see how shades matches each other and to my skin tone and I like my purchases already very much. They match ...