HRT: Fourth month and first year of the Voyage
One month has passed again. It has been also whole year already when I wrote the very first blog post.
I'll start with the past month. It has past relatively slowly and that isn't a bad thing. Medication works and only reason I have gotten several migraines is the climate, it has been too hot and humid for me. My face has continued to reshape itself, boobs have grown and I'm going through very consistently already. I also started to use pants, for couple of reasons. First, my skirt's zipper is breaking up, so it is hard to open and close. Second, it is SO MUCH easier to go to toilet with pants as my skirt is so loose that it will hit the ground no matter what I do and it is so long, heavy and sits so low on my hip that lifting it up doesn't work. Third, I started to go through better. Well, I'm blending to the crowd now as some humorous shirt isn't enough for people to think I'm weirdo. But the skirt was. It was rather surprising how much it affected. I have consistently sat in the toilet now, as it is easier to do now. And to get used to it, soon enough I would do it anyway, better practice now.
My friend had birthday party yesterday. Which was a bliss, really enjoyed myself and I didn't get panic attack like year ago, quite the opposite actually, see #47. When I went to Alko to buy his present, the way the male seller served me underlined to me how well I actually go through. First of all, I didn't wore any makeup. I talked to him with my practice voice. And we talked quite a bit considering how long I stayed there. I wanted to buy sparkling wine and my friend have public list of "these are tested to be good" of those, which I showed to the seller. He showed me couple of options and I said I'd take that one. To my surprise, the seller took the bottle from shelf but didn't give it to me. Instead, as I asked where gift bags are, he took me there, carrying the bottle. There I picked one of the bags and he took the bag from the prong. Then asked if I needed anything else, I didn't, so he took the bag and the bottle to cashier. That was first time I got that kind of service. And I'm quite sure he wouldn't have done that if I didn't go through to him well enough.
I'm not sure how much growing boobs has affected to my through-going but it feels so good to be this through-going. I haven't had any problems yet having dead name in my ID, apart from couple of times when the way person on the other side of the desk interacts me changes slightly. And I will get my medical certificate for registry office for name change during autumn, I hope. It was mistake to say "I will change my name when my voice is more through-going", well, they haven't even invited me for check-up because I haven't seen foniatrist yet. Oh well.
I also ordered new bras, 80C. Which I got today as I wasn't able to pick them up yesterday. My current 80B's didn't feel any way small or otherwise uncomfortable, but when I tried 80C on, they felt so much better. So my boobs have grown, and they do it very sneakily. They have been achy the whole month so no surprise they have grown but it has been so slow it has been hard to notice.
After a bit over a week, on monday 9th of July, my estrogen dosage will be risen to final level, 100 micrograms. That day happens to be my first vacation day as well. I haven't had much hot waves, some every now and then but not in same extend before last dosage rise. I wonder what will happen, especially mentally. Somehow thinking about it feels reassuring and sad at the same time. Well, I have waited this for so long.
My voyage started about one year ago and I founded this blog one year ago. A lot has happened during this year. The first wait to the transclinic was so long and torturing, but everyone has been so supportive. I haven't talked about my transition much at work but people are clever enough and they have eyes and ears. So everyone there knows what is happening. Some of them know my new name, which I decided almost exactly one year ago. It was day or two before first blog post. My voyage has been mentally exhausting, but I'm still standing and my mood has gotten much better lately. No wonder as I can see what the medication has done to me. And that affects every aspect of my life as I'm finally healing from the depression I have had for so long already. And many things I wanted to hormones to do, has happened. And my expectations have been quite realistic. Maybe even pessimistic. But as it is so personal what kind of response you have to hormones, maybe it was a good thing.
49 blog posts in a year. In average, I have wrote a post almost every week. There has been some breaks when I didn't have much to tell about and the start of HRT spawned quite many posts during the month. I have written quite personal things about myself here, which people might not discover from me otherwise ever. Not that I regret those, it has been easing to open up to here. And to see people actually read these posts. It means extremely much to me, even while this is quite one-way conversation.
Onward, to the next year of the voyage!
I'll start with the past month. It has past relatively slowly and that isn't a bad thing. Medication works and only reason I have gotten several migraines is the climate, it has been too hot and humid for me. My face has continued to reshape itself, boobs have grown and I'm going through very consistently already. I also started to use pants, for couple of reasons. First, my skirt's zipper is breaking up, so it is hard to open and close. Second, it is SO MUCH easier to go to toilet with pants as my skirt is so loose that it will hit the ground no matter what I do and it is so long, heavy and sits so low on my hip that lifting it up doesn't work. Third, I started to go through better. Well, I'm blending to the crowd now as some humorous shirt isn't enough for people to think I'm weirdo. But the skirt was. It was rather surprising how much it affected. I have consistently sat in the toilet now, as it is easier to do now. And to get used to it, soon enough I would do it anyway, better practice now.
My friend had birthday party yesterday. Which was a bliss, really enjoyed myself and I didn't get panic attack like year ago, quite the opposite actually, see #47. When I went to Alko to buy his present, the way the male seller served me underlined to me how well I actually go through. First of all, I didn't wore any makeup. I talked to him with my practice voice. And we talked quite a bit considering how long I stayed there. I wanted to buy sparkling wine and my friend have public list of "these are tested to be good" of those, which I showed to the seller. He showed me couple of options and I said I'd take that one. To my surprise, the seller took the bottle from shelf but didn't give it to me. Instead, as I asked where gift bags are, he took me there, carrying the bottle. There I picked one of the bags and he took the bag from the prong. Then asked if I needed anything else, I didn't, so he took the bag and the bottle to cashier. That was first time I got that kind of service. And I'm quite sure he wouldn't have done that if I didn't go through to him well enough.
I'm not sure how much growing boobs has affected to my through-going but it feels so good to be this through-going. I haven't had any problems yet having dead name in my ID, apart from couple of times when the way person on the other side of the desk interacts me changes slightly. And I will get my medical certificate for registry office for name change during autumn, I hope. It was mistake to say "I will change my name when my voice is more through-going", well, they haven't even invited me for check-up because I haven't seen foniatrist yet. Oh well.
I also ordered new bras, 80C. Which I got today as I wasn't able to pick them up yesterday. My current 80B's didn't feel any way small or otherwise uncomfortable, but when I tried 80C on, they felt so much better. So my boobs have grown, and they do it very sneakily. They have been achy the whole month so no surprise they have grown but it has been so slow it has been hard to notice.
After a bit over a week, on monday 9th of July, my estrogen dosage will be risen to final level, 100 micrograms. That day happens to be my first vacation day as well. I haven't had much hot waves, some every now and then but not in same extend before last dosage rise. I wonder what will happen, especially mentally. Somehow thinking about it feels reassuring and sad at the same time. Well, I have waited this for so long.
My voyage started about one year ago and I founded this blog one year ago. A lot has happened during this year. The first wait to the transclinic was so long and torturing, but everyone has been so supportive. I haven't talked about my transition much at work but people are clever enough and they have eyes and ears. So everyone there knows what is happening. Some of them know my new name, which I decided almost exactly one year ago. It was day or two before first blog post. My voyage has been mentally exhausting, but I'm still standing and my mood has gotten much better lately. No wonder as I can see what the medication has done to me. And that affects every aspect of my life as I'm finally healing from the depression I have had for so long already. And many things I wanted to hormones to do, has happened. And my expectations have been quite realistic. Maybe even pessimistic. But as it is so personal what kind of response you have to hormones, maybe it was a good thing.
49 blog posts in a year. In average, I have wrote a post almost every week. There has been some breaks when I didn't have much to tell about and the start of HRT spawned quite many posts during the month. I have written quite personal things about myself here, which people might not discover from me otherwise ever. Not that I regret those, it has been easing to open up to here. And to see people actually read these posts. It means extremely much to me, even while this is quite one-way conversation.
Onward, to the next year of the voyage!