Releasing feelings
Sunday again, summing up. Kinda lot happened this week, especially on weekend. More voice training and friends meeting up, dancing, movie and thinking
Let's start with the start of the week. Monday and tuesday was rather dull otherwise but I have noticed that patch change days are bit hard mentally, it's hard to concentrate to anything and I get hot waves. Wednesday I learned that my mom was transferred to Tampere University Hospital (TAYS for short) as her condition didn't improve in the local hospital. Well, easier for me to visit her and I paid a visit on thursday. And my brother sent me message yesterday that the medication started to work so things are going to better way. Which was reassuring to hear.
On friday, well, I don't even remember much what happened then. We went to Star & Moonlight to have lunch, habanero lamb with garlic naan. And I ate half a liter of very sweet ice cream (brand was geisha but I think it's local thing) on top of it as "extinguishing agent". I thought that maybe just a little bit but I noticed little later that I ate the whole thing. Which is rather interesting in two ways. I had very big lunch just before it, and that I haven't been able to eat that much ice cream at once ever before. I'm amusing myself in new ways.
Yesterday was quite big day for me. We had friend meetup at Certain Someone's place, three of her friends, who I didn't know before (two of them are pair), her roommate, my ex with her spouse and dogs. And the two of us, of course. So, 7 people and 4 dogs :D (Her roommate has two). She had vacation in China and got some weird "candy" with her, and we had tasting night. And all those were either almost tasteless or otherwise weird. But, I get to know three of her friends and got some paw therapy from the dogs so it was rather nice evening.
When the evening was starting to turn into a night, one of her friends, after all the others had left, suggested that let's go to Tampere for a drink or two. So me, She and her friend, which I will address as J from now one and Certain Someone as CS, went to tampere and cafe europe, which was rather crowded. J ordered jug of sangria (made to red wine), which we drank between three people rather quickly as there was excess amount of ice. It wasn't really nice environment to chat or anything so we decided to change place. And I suggested bar Twenty One, as they had Sessions #2 yesterday.
We went there, I haven't been there ever before so I didn't know where it was exactly and I didn't exactly know what kind of music there will be other than genre progressive trance. But we found the place and it was rather small venue. Which was actually good thing. I had couple of drinks and CS got as well. J stayed sober. We went there actually quite early so there was just some warm-up playing but even that was pretty catching to dance. We danced for little over half an hour after the drinks and after that J wanted a break so we went to upstairs, which was more like coffee-bar hybrid. Two random guys, who were totally smashed, came to talk to us. I thought, really, do you really have to, as we three had nice conversation about hair dyeing at the moment. But, it got my ear that they the other one started with "hey girls, can we come to chat with you?". So, I went through to them at least. Then we introduced ourselves, I introduced myself as Mira, of course, and even after opening my mouth and speaking with my practice voice, which isn't even that through-going but somewhat believable, I still went through. I was little bit shocked in the inside.
CS went to grab a drink and I followed her quite soon after she came back. When we were finishing those, the guys were thinking aloud that what we are doing there. CS told them that we came here to dance, it's downstairs, wanna check out? And as the guys were rather accommodating, we went back there. The performer had changed and the music was pulling us to dance floor. It was bit too much for the guys so they tried a little, then went to sit for a while, then came back to try a little and then left. Which was good as they were quite creepy. But was rather interesting experience, and first time I went through while speaking.
We danced for a while, like 45 minutes or so and J got bored. Well, she was still sober, so I didn't blame her, especially as the music wasn't hitting that much. She danced, yes, but she didn't seem to enjoy it to the extend I and CS were. I danced my heart out and so seemed to CS. Combined with the little alcohol I had, it was almost euphoric. But only almost, unfortunately. J told anyway that next bus is leaving in bit over a half an hour and she wanted to eat before that. So we left around 1:30 in the night. I would liked to dance further and I'm quite confident that CS would have wanted that as well as she purposely wanted to go one bus later, which J complied. We went to Hesburger (local burger joint) as it was open and after we ate, I escorted them to bus. CS went purposely to sleep at J's place in south-west part of Tampere as they were going to movies today and I asked if I could join them as they went to see Ready Player One, which I wanted to see as well. But, after I got them inside the bus, I went to work to get some juice to my phone and to drink a bit water. After that I walked home.
So, today, we went to see movie. I asked about details at night through whatsapp from CS but she answered this morning when they were grabbing a bus to get to the downtown. I just got myself ready at that point and I was like, ok, I should be going as well ASAP and checked buses really quick. Next in 5 minutes, excellent, although as I didn't have shoes or jacket on, I didn't know if I was able to made it. But I left as fast as I could and I even waited the bus for minute or two. And as I live much closer to downtown, I was there first but as CS didn't answer to my messages I didn't know it. When I was almost walking into movie theatre, she sent me message that they saw me. So I waited them and went to get the tickets. They had reservation for only two tickets but there was one seat empty next to them so it went nicely. After that we spent some time goofing around and went to buy some (proper) candy as you have to buy reserved tickets one hour ahead at the latest.
The movie itself was rather good and now I want to read the book it was made from. And I certainly feel that hormones have eased out my feelings, or made them stronger. I was able to cry a bit in moody situation in the end of the movie, which felt rather good, although I wished they wouldn't have been so muted still. But more than just two drops. CS and J liked the movie as well although they said that it was bit different than in the book as both of them had read the book. But, Hollywood, so. After the movie we just went home, so J took bus on the way to railway station so I got some private time with CS. Although she was really tired so I just accompanied her. After I got her to train, I went to home as well.
During the evening I watched my anime backlog as I follow quite many series in this seasons (too many good animes running now!). Couple of episodes were quite emotional and I absorbed those feelings. I didn't cry though, but couple of moments were like that I could have. I hate how slowly hormones work. How much time it takes that the way I feel will change. And I feel that my feelings haven't exactly changed in any way. Hormones just have amplified those feelings. But not enough, yet. And it is painfully slow.
This weekend will boost me for at least a week or two. I got to spend time with CS and I was able to dance at the same time. Only thing which could be better is to take contact with her while dancing. But that might be too much to ask as our dancing styles are so different. Time will tell.
Let's start with the start of the week. Monday and tuesday was rather dull otherwise but I have noticed that patch change days are bit hard mentally, it's hard to concentrate to anything and I get hot waves. Wednesday I learned that my mom was transferred to Tampere University Hospital (TAYS for short) as her condition didn't improve in the local hospital. Well, easier for me to visit her and I paid a visit on thursday. And my brother sent me message yesterday that the medication started to work so things are going to better way. Which was reassuring to hear.
On friday, well, I don't even remember much what happened then. We went to Star & Moonlight to have lunch, habanero lamb with garlic naan. And I ate half a liter of very sweet ice cream (brand was geisha but I think it's local thing) on top of it as "extinguishing agent". I thought that maybe just a little bit but I noticed little later that I ate the whole thing. Which is rather interesting in two ways. I had very big lunch just before it, and that I haven't been able to eat that much ice cream at once ever before. I'm amusing myself in new ways.
Yesterday was quite big day for me. We had friend meetup at Certain Someone's place, three of her friends, who I didn't know before (two of them are pair), her roommate, my ex with her spouse and dogs. And the two of us, of course. So, 7 people and 4 dogs :D (Her roommate has two). She had vacation in China and got some weird "candy" with her, and we had tasting night. And all those were either almost tasteless or otherwise weird. But, I get to know three of her friends and got some paw therapy from the dogs so it was rather nice evening.
When the evening was starting to turn into a night, one of her friends, after all the others had left, suggested that let's go to Tampere for a drink or two. So me, She and her friend, which I will address as J from now one and Certain Someone as CS, went to tampere and cafe europe, which was rather crowded. J ordered jug of sangria (made to red wine), which we drank between three people rather quickly as there was excess amount of ice. It wasn't really nice environment to chat or anything so we decided to change place. And I suggested bar Twenty One, as they had Sessions #2 yesterday.
We went there, I haven't been there ever before so I didn't know where it was exactly and I didn't exactly know what kind of music there will be other than genre progressive trance. But we found the place and it was rather small venue. Which was actually good thing. I had couple of drinks and CS got as well. J stayed sober. We went there actually quite early so there was just some warm-up playing but even that was pretty catching to dance. We danced for little over half an hour after the drinks and after that J wanted a break so we went to upstairs, which was more like coffee-bar hybrid. Two random guys, who were totally smashed, came to talk to us. I thought, really, do you really have to, as we three had nice conversation about hair dyeing at the moment. But, it got my ear that they the other one started with "hey girls, can we come to chat with you?". So, I went through to them at least. Then we introduced ourselves, I introduced myself as Mira, of course, and even after opening my mouth and speaking with my practice voice, which isn't even that through-going but somewhat believable, I still went through. I was little bit shocked in the inside.
CS went to grab a drink and I followed her quite soon after she came back. When we were finishing those, the guys were thinking aloud that what we are doing there. CS told them that we came here to dance, it's downstairs, wanna check out? And as the guys were rather accommodating, we went back there. The performer had changed and the music was pulling us to dance floor. It was bit too much for the guys so they tried a little, then went to sit for a while, then came back to try a little and then left. Which was good as they were quite creepy. But was rather interesting experience, and first time I went through while speaking.
We danced for a while, like 45 minutes or so and J got bored. Well, she was still sober, so I didn't blame her, especially as the music wasn't hitting that much. She danced, yes, but she didn't seem to enjoy it to the extend I and CS were. I danced my heart out and so seemed to CS. Combined with the little alcohol I had, it was almost euphoric. But only almost, unfortunately. J told anyway that next bus is leaving in bit over a half an hour and she wanted to eat before that. So we left around 1:30 in the night. I would liked to dance further and I'm quite confident that CS would have wanted that as well as she purposely wanted to go one bus later, which J complied. We went to Hesburger (local burger joint) as it was open and after we ate, I escorted them to bus. CS went purposely to sleep at J's place in south-west part of Tampere as they were going to movies today and I asked if I could join them as they went to see Ready Player One, which I wanted to see as well. But, after I got them inside the bus, I went to work to get some juice to my phone and to drink a bit water. After that I walked home.
So, today, we went to see movie. I asked about details at night through whatsapp from CS but she answered this morning when they were grabbing a bus to get to the downtown. I just got myself ready at that point and I was like, ok, I should be going as well ASAP and checked buses really quick. Next in 5 minutes, excellent, although as I didn't have shoes or jacket on, I didn't know if I was able to made it. But I left as fast as I could and I even waited the bus for minute or two. And as I live much closer to downtown, I was there first but as CS didn't answer to my messages I didn't know it. When I was almost walking into movie theatre, she sent me message that they saw me. So I waited them and went to get the tickets. They had reservation for only two tickets but there was one seat empty next to them so it went nicely. After that we spent some time goofing around and went to buy some (proper) candy as you have to buy reserved tickets one hour ahead at the latest.
The movie itself was rather good and now I want to read the book it was made from. And I certainly feel that hormones have eased out my feelings, or made them stronger. I was able to cry a bit in moody situation in the end of the movie, which felt rather good, although I wished they wouldn't have been so muted still. But more than just two drops. CS and J liked the movie as well although they said that it was bit different than in the book as both of them had read the book. But, Hollywood, so. After the movie we just went home, so J took bus on the way to railway station so I got some private time with CS. Although she was really tired so I just accompanied her. After I got her to train, I went to home as well.
During the evening I watched my anime backlog as I follow quite many series in this seasons (too many good animes running now!). Couple of episodes were quite emotional and I absorbed those feelings. I didn't cry though, but couple of moments were like that I could have. I hate how slowly hormones work. How much time it takes that the way I feel will change. And I feel that my feelings haven't exactly changed in any way. Hormones just have amplified those feelings. But not enough, yet. And it is painfully slow.
This weekend will boost me for at least a week or two. I got to spend time with CS and I was able to dance at the same time. Only thing which could be better is to take contact with her while dancing. But that might be too much to ask as our dancing styles are so different. Time will tell.