Wandering thoughts 4

Today I went to my parents to change winter tyres to their car, which I'm permanently loaning currently. Because of that I used pants I used to use, long-sleeved shirt I used to wear under t-shirt some years ago and t-shirt. And some extra insulation as there is +5°C outside and jacket would be just in the way. I didn't realize how much that would cause anguish. The pants were so big and felt weird. The shirt combination just raised some unpleasant memories. After I was ready and drank coffee before leaving, I just wanted to throw the clothes away. Unfortunately I had to drive home first. I also thought that I don't want to change those tyres a single time anymore. I just hate it, even being easy.

Losing weight has some side effects as well, it seems. I'm feeling cold nowadays. I have to think more what should I wear as I won't be able to survive Finnish winter the same way I used to. My hands and feet are almost constantly cold. I was able to wear enough clothes for this weather when I was changing tyres (hence, doing something) but any less and that would not have been enough. And that was more than I have ever needed. And this is interesting as even when I lost weight last time, I didn't have this kind of effect. I also used to have good peripheral circulation so my hands were never cold. And neither were feet. This is so new to me. At least wearing lots of clothes won't cause problems, as I won't be roasting myself in normal room temperature. And you can also hide many layers of clothes under the skirt. We got company hoodies at last as well, so as I was beginning to want something long-sleeved, now I have that something. And that hoodie looks so good on me!

I ordered new bras from same place the previous ones. This time lightly-padded 85A. They fit much better, although the size is not exactly correct still. The depth of the cup is correct, but my boobs doesn't have that much mass that they would fill the cup. The upper part of it is empty and lax. So my boobs are just too small for women standards still 😔. In the other hand, these doesn't interfere with the corset or at least not that much. I wore them in work on friday and I will continue to use them next week. They don't do much, but highlights my small boobs little bit anyway. And as bras are piece of clothing you have to get used to, that as well. Although, I noticed that these are very comfy. Yeah, I can feel the bone in the bras all the time but they doesn't push my ribs. And that is only part I'm feeling of them, most of the time. It might have something to do with that I like squeezing and skin-tight clothing. Corset is the best piece of clothing I know. But, with the little experience I have with bras now, I think even that bone will fade after my boobs have some weight in them so the bras have job to do. It's bit pointless to wear bras when your boobs of this size can carry themselves without any sagging...

I also filled the survey they sent with the invitation. Most of the questions were that kind that they just test my mental stability. Well, I don't have any problems there so I filled it honestly as only one cheating with it would be myself. Although there was question about if I have any mental problems and if so, what kind of and how they are treated and where. I almost literally underlined that yes, I have depression but it is caused by gender discomfort. And it is getting rapidly better. And intervention was caused just because my coping in work was too low. Otherwise I wouldn't be even eating antidepressants. Or, how they call Voxra, a medicine that improves the ability to function. But, I hope that the way I live now, impressing myself like I want combined with those answers will give me diagnose, and pass to the treatments. I really wish that.

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