SRS: T-29 days

 Oh gosh oh gosh oh gosh


4 weeks and one day until the surgery. My spironolactone ended on week ago and today was time to start the hormonal pause. The deadline for it is actually tomorrow, but as today was the patch change day, it will not waste one patch for one day difference.

I'm having most likely some degree of serie migraine. I had attack on thursday, somewhat on friday and saturday (more like pre-attack bad feelings) and yesterday proper attack. Today I woke up feeling not-so-well so some pre-attack shenanigans most likely. I'm pretty sure it will continue like this for some time still as the hormonal pause started today and stirs things bit more. Yay...

I saw my occupational physician on thursday and will see her on friday. She was thinking that my work time should be lowered back to 40% contract as I have possibility for that. I'm starting to feel the same as my coping has lowered like a lot. The covid situation has caused that I have been pretty much alone the past 4 months, which is really long time for extrovert. It's really eating me up, even while I'm seeing my friends every now and then. It's not enough. Add dysphoria getting worse, especially now when I got the surgery date, it has been really hard mentally. Even 40% would be stretch.

Though, even while I'm having really hard time and my home is in total chaos, I have started to make effort towards my looks. Especially when I'm going to theatre group rehearsals. I'm not doing there much but I'm seeing people and it's really nice to get the compliments. I also got a crush to one of the actresses. Oh well. Time will tell if anything happens. I'm also throwing away even more the very few spoons I have and promised to visit another theatre group rehearsals as I know how to do lights. But when I promised, I also told that I'm in hospital when they actually need me. But, I will be available later so it might be good to at least go and say hi to them. And see the control surface for the lights. Main reason why I accepted was to see even more people and widen my friend network, I still have friend network of a introvert, which isn't not enough. Really not enough.

So, I have my evenings filled until friday, I will update then here. I can say more about how the hormonal pause started and what my occupational physician said etc. I'm kinda happy that I have lot going on to get my mind away from the impending surgery, which also eats me from the inside if I think about it too much.

'Til next time~ 💜

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