TMI: Libido, FFS
So, this post will be very TMI. Stop reading if you can't handle tipsy me rambling about libido, sexual fantasies and something, which might even evolve to nymphomania.
So, I really need to get this away from my head. I have been so super horny for couple of days already. I have tried to help myself by masturbating but it doesn't seem to help. I want more. And in a way I can and can't have. Past bit over a year have taught so much to me about my sexuality that I didn't know before that I could be how I am now. I have always known that I like bondage and that I'm (very) submissive brat. But I haven't really known what that has meant, because I haven't had partners willing to explore that side of me. Being on HRT have had it's changes as well, I'm more sensitive in every aspect of the word and for example I don't itch anymore, even from armpits or soles. But if you scratch me from there. oh my. I get extreme pleasure when someone scratches or bites me to grooves, especially from armpits and soles. Heck, even in my fantasies I notice getting my hands tied to my neck in a way that my elbows are pointing straight up and someone teasing me by scartching lightly and slowly, and sometimes giving extreme pleasure by doing hard, fast and long scratch from center lower biceps down to my waist, passing my armpit while doing it. That is one thing I could do now, but it's outright impossible to do alone.
Another one, which is very often combined to the previous mental image: fingers, dildo or pulsator inside my pussy while being scratched. Well, I don't have one, yet, so, yeah. And even masturbating now is ..not exactly pleasant in that way. But my libido forces me to, I can't stay in my skin without the pleasure my orgasms give me. And that actually scares me. When there isn't the dysphoria factor anymore, what will happen to my libido? Will it get even higher than what it is already? Keeping my head straight when I'm at work or doing something other important thing is already hard and requires concious mind control. That's why I'm laughing to even slightly perverted jokes or innuendos. In a good thing I think I don't blush while thinking anything perverted. If you start to speak about those thing with me, you definitely see my reactions and what I think about sex, but that happens only if I lose the control over my mind.
I have said for a while already for people who wants to ask something personal that if you dare to ask and your question concerns only me, I dare to answer. And people rarely dare to ask anything really personal, like, what is the easiest way to turn me on. Most likely they assume I won't answer. But, like I warn them, I will. I have absolutely no taboos. I can talk about anything, though I still try to be diplomatical and objective, no matter the subject if the subject isn't me. I love talking about myself and people, who have had drink with me definitely have experienced that. One of my colleagues actually probed me about the statement, as he is the closest person at work (same person I talked with in garage in post #3) and knows me rather well already and took talk torwards sex. And I'm rather sure he saw the personality change as the work role dropped to the ground momentarily. But we did talk about it for a while, in the garage, when there wasn't other people nearby.
But, besides the fantasies and other changes and my almost addiction to orgasms. I have had tiny bit of problem about the orgasms. When you masturbate regularly, it's getting harder to get one, at least for me. And my body thinks it's too much and tries to protect my "clit" (glans) from overstimulation by thickening the foreskin. Which makes masturbation at least harder, if not impossible. And when your state of mind requires like 8 orgasms a day and you might get one if you are lucky, well, you are getting frustrated, which is why I'm writing this post. I want to pour that frustration out of my head. Heck, I'm so close asking B if she wants to have sex with me. But I know her well enough that I also know the answer so I won't even bother to ask. Alcohol isn't helping my yearning of sex one bit, I'm even more horny when I'm tipsy. Like, holy heck, I want to be dominated right here, right now. I'm extremely patient person but my patience is growing thin in this.
I also have noticed that past two (short) relationships have refined who I want as partner. I think I'm still pan, but I really can't see myself in relationship with person who isn't feminine. I really don't care about looks or contents of the pants, but mind of the person needs to be feminine enough that I'm interested. Though, I do want to know what dick feels inside my pussy, when I have pussy.
All in all, I desperately need mistress.
So, I really need to get this away from my head. I have been so super horny for couple of days already. I have tried to help myself by masturbating but it doesn't seem to help. I want more. And in a way I can and can't have. Past bit over a year have taught so much to me about my sexuality that I didn't know before that I could be how I am now. I have always known that I like bondage and that I'm (very) submissive brat. But I haven't really known what that has meant, because I haven't had partners willing to explore that side of me. Being on HRT have had it's changes as well, I'm more sensitive in every aspect of the word and for example I don't itch anymore, even from armpits or soles. But if you scratch me from there. oh my. I get extreme pleasure when someone scratches or bites me to grooves, especially from armpits and soles. Heck, even in my fantasies I notice getting my hands tied to my neck in a way that my elbows are pointing straight up and someone teasing me by scartching lightly and slowly, and sometimes giving extreme pleasure by doing hard, fast and long scratch from center lower biceps down to my waist, passing my armpit while doing it. That is one thing I could do now, but it's outright impossible to do alone.
Another one, which is very often combined to the previous mental image: fingers, dildo or pulsator inside my pussy while being scratched. Well, I don't have one, yet, so, yeah. And even masturbating now is ..not exactly pleasant in that way. But my libido forces me to, I can't stay in my skin without the pleasure my orgasms give me. And that actually scares me. When there isn't the dysphoria factor anymore, what will happen to my libido? Will it get even higher than what it is already? Keeping my head straight when I'm at work or doing something other important thing is already hard and requires concious mind control. That's why I'm laughing to even slightly perverted jokes or innuendos. In a good thing I think I don't blush while thinking anything perverted. If you start to speak about those thing with me, you definitely see my reactions and what I think about sex, but that happens only if I lose the control over my mind.
I have said for a while already for people who wants to ask something personal that if you dare to ask and your question concerns only me, I dare to answer. And people rarely dare to ask anything really personal, like, what is the easiest way to turn me on. Most likely they assume I won't answer. But, like I warn them, I will. I have absolutely no taboos. I can talk about anything, though I still try to be diplomatical and objective, no matter the subject if the subject isn't me. I love talking about myself and people, who have had drink with me definitely have experienced that. One of my colleagues actually probed me about the statement, as he is the closest person at work (same person I talked with in garage in post #3) and knows me rather well already and took talk torwards sex. And I'm rather sure he saw the personality change as the work role dropped to the ground momentarily. But we did talk about it for a while, in the garage, when there wasn't other people nearby.
But, besides the fantasies and other changes and my almost addiction to orgasms. I have had tiny bit of problem about the orgasms. When you masturbate regularly, it's getting harder to get one, at least for me. And my body thinks it's too much and tries to protect my "clit" (glans) from overstimulation by thickening the foreskin. Which makes masturbation at least harder, if not impossible. And when your state of mind requires like 8 orgasms a day and you might get one if you are lucky, well, you are getting frustrated, which is why I'm writing this post. I want to pour that frustration out of my head. Heck, I'm so close asking B if she wants to have sex with me. But I know her well enough that I also know the answer so I won't even bother to ask. Alcohol isn't helping my yearning of sex one bit, I'm even more horny when I'm tipsy. Like, holy heck, I want to be dominated right here, right now. I'm extremely patient person but my patience is growing thin in this.
I also have noticed that past two (short) relationships have refined who I want as partner. I think I'm still pan, but I really can't see myself in relationship with person who isn't feminine. I really don't care about looks or contents of the pants, but mind of the person needs to be feminine enough that I'm interested. Though, I do want to know what dick feels inside my pussy, when I have pussy.
All in all, I desperately need mistress.