Wandering thoughts 23
Way, way too long time. So much has happened and my mental strength hasn't been enough to deal it all. Voice therapy (finally), Tracon, Ropecon, great amount of time with gf, 1.5 year checkup, and what else? Lots of mental roller-coaster.
I'll start with the voice therapy. It contained mere 3 times, of which two were about one week apart and third one month later from first. I got couple of very important tricks from there. First, widen the larynx to allow more air to go through while speaking, which alone was enough to get pitch up a bit and make the voice quite a bit louder. It is rather tiring to do it and requires a lot of conscious muscle control. Second, to soften the start of words. Like imagining unpronounced H in the start of every word starting with vowel. It was actually rather easy to get almost automatic. But these two tricks reduced the amount of low creaking sounds from my speak. Which in turn made the voice much much more natural. But, a lot of practice is still required to automate both of those as I still need to do them too consciously.
I also had 1.5 year checkup in hormone clinic. Rather basic stuff, though this time I did strip a bit as doctor listened my heart and lungs and checked my boobs. Which have grown "quite nicely". I agree, though I want them to be a bit more fuller. To which doctor commented that I'm rather demanding 😂. Also blood tests were made just like last time and everything was fine. Estradiol was lower than last time, only 0.33 but still high enough and testo was still at 0.2, like last time. Though as the estradiol levels depends on heavily when the patches were changed, the half a year old test isn't directly comparable, as it is taken on tuesday and these blood tests were taken on wednesday. But I trust to my feeling and the doctor that the dosage is right.
So, the cons. Ropecon was super nice, wandered around with my gf, went for short(ish) photoshoot to get better pictures from her headpiece and slept together. Loved every moment of it. Tracon in the other had was extremely taxing for both of us. We were barely able to see each other week before con, though we were able to wander around during at least somewhat. And week after was just recuperation from the con. Though, I walked her to home from work a few times, which was some serious quality time. 🌲/5 would do again.
We have spent a lot of time together as well. Some days it is just shopping or walking, some days sleeping together, on the others watching stargåte. And texting a whole lot during each and every day through fb messenger. She has been the force keeping me going. Thank you for that 💜. And I think it is vice versa as well.
My mental health has been quite troublesome lately. It depends bit too much on how much time has passed from me seeing my gf last time that how well I'm feeling. Yeah, mating hormone has its influence but it is not right to cling too much. I have at least tried to give all the room my gf needs but I'm not sure if I have succeed. Though, chatting a bit brightens my day right away. Other thing what have thought lately is why my whole pre-HRT life have started to feel like one big trauma. I have changed to compldtely different person but that shouldn't make the past feel so bad. One more reason to find the therapist, which I still don't have. My general performance is getting better all the time though and that is very good thing. It just had been slow and bumpy road.
First post written entirely with my phone as I was too lazy to grab proper computer! Proven to be viable writing tool even for bit longer posts. So, maybe next post will be written in timely fashion.
'Til next time~
I'll start with the voice therapy. It contained mere 3 times, of which two were about one week apart and third one month later from first. I got couple of very important tricks from there. First, widen the larynx to allow more air to go through while speaking, which alone was enough to get pitch up a bit and make the voice quite a bit louder. It is rather tiring to do it and requires a lot of conscious muscle control. Second, to soften the start of words. Like imagining unpronounced H in the start of every word starting with vowel. It was actually rather easy to get almost automatic. But these two tricks reduced the amount of low creaking sounds from my speak. Which in turn made the voice much much more natural. But, a lot of practice is still required to automate both of those as I still need to do them too consciously.
I also had 1.5 year checkup in hormone clinic. Rather basic stuff, though this time I did strip a bit as doctor listened my heart and lungs and checked my boobs. Which have grown "quite nicely". I agree, though I want them to be a bit more fuller. To which doctor commented that I'm rather demanding 😂. Also blood tests were made just like last time and everything was fine. Estradiol was lower than last time, only 0.33 but still high enough and testo was still at 0.2, like last time. Though as the estradiol levels depends on heavily when the patches were changed, the half a year old test isn't directly comparable, as it is taken on tuesday and these blood tests were taken on wednesday. But I trust to my feeling and the doctor that the dosage is right.
So, the cons. Ropecon was super nice, wandered around with my gf, went for short(ish) photoshoot to get better pictures from her headpiece and slept together. Loved every moment of it. Tracon in the other had was extremely taxing for both of us. We were barely able to see each other week before con, though we were able to wander around during at least somewhat. And week after was just recuperation from the con. Though, I walked her to home from work a few times, which was some serious quality time. 🌲/5 would do again.
We have spent a lot of time together as well. Some days it is just shopping or walking, some days sleeping together, on the others watching stargåte. And texting a whole lot during each and every day through fb messenger. She has been the force keeping me going. Thank you for that 💜. And I think it is vice versa as well.
My mental health has been quite troublesome lately. It depends bit too much on how much time has passed from me seeing my gf last time that how well I'm feeling. Yeah, mating hormone has its influence but it is not right to cling too much. I have at least tried to give all the room my gf needs but I'm not sure if I have succeed. Though, chatting a bit brightens my day right away. Other thing what have thought lately is why my whole pre-HRT life have started to feel like one big trauma. I have changed to compldtely different person but that shouldn't make the past feel so bad. One more reason to find the therapist, which I still don't have. My general performance is getting better all the time though and that is very good thing. It just had been slow and bumpy road.
First post written entirely with my phone as I was too lazy to grab proper computer! Proven to be viable writing tool even for bit longer posts. So, maybe next post will be written in timely fashion.
'Til next time~