Relationships are hard

So, I got this thing starting. I have written before that I'm poly-amorous. I'm starting one poly-relationship and not with CS. CS is mono-amorous. Today, I went "for coffee" (=date) with CS, and confessed to her again. She was very aware of my feelings and she answered to me that she tried to find feelings towards me but didn't find any. I have read that from her although I really didn't know what I have read.

Now that Certain Someone isn't really certain anymore, it will take some time and though that I could get over her. I have tried before, I couldn't. But now I have some kind of relationship so I might actually be able to get over this constant thinking and missing of her. I got my resolve. And the biggest problem for her was that I resembled too much of her little sister. So it might have been bit too awkward for her. It might be for the best after all that we will just stay friends. And because of this another relationship, it was best for that as well, because if CS would have started relationship with me, she would have wanted to be my only partner. She said that much, and I kinda knew it before because of her previous reaction when I told her that I'm poly-amorous.

This new relationship is with a wife of a friend, so, cis-woman. But not exactly very womanly woman. She helped me to find myself in very short time by just being herself and letting me be the woman I want to be. To be the little spoon, cuddle under her arm and just be cute and cuddly. It's the first time and I have loved and will love every moment.

As she wants kid someday (she is some years younger than me), and she is married, I might want to find "primary partner", as I want to marry someone someday. And I can't stand kids at all. Especially small ones. But, after this blog post, there will be no CS, there will be my partner. As for time being, there is only one. Some day there might be several but not yet. And there will be a day when I don't live alone anymore.

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