Wandering thoughts 13
Lot of things and not so much time has passed again.
Last weekend was Tracon. Went pretty smoothly and I took every bit out of it I could. So much socializing and doing things. And I went through so consistently it starts to frighten me. I still don't feel that my voice is through-going but when I look how people react to me and talk to me, I'm definitely going through. No doubt! One of the guests of honor made this quite clear to me even though I didn't say one word to him that I'm trans. Although being very goth with high-heeled boots helped with going through as gothism is still perceived as feminine thing. And people called me crazy when I danced in 12cm high heels in the evening party on saturday 😂. The guest of honor also complimented my favourite necklace ❤.
On tuesday I went to phonotherapy clinic. The doctor there interviewed me a bit, asked me to read short text and even him said that my voice is quite through-going and that my work haven't gone in the vain. They also did throat endoscopy (tähystys in finnish) which was quite unpleasant. But they found that my vocal cords were clean and in good condition so what I have been doing isn't damaging them. Which is great news! They also wrote reference for voice therapy as I would benefit it even when I have this through-going voice. But it could be even better.
It's getting colder again. And I realized that, as I'm quite easily feeling chilly nowadays, that I don't have much other than company hoodie to on top of t-shirt other than proper jacket. So, I ordered some clothes from EMP. And caused even more problems in a long run as I have to use credit card. Fortunately the financially hard times should be soon-ish over. But, I ordered couple of long-sleeved shirts, couple of hoodies and one bolero. Those should be enough for now. I also realized that my body type has changed quite a much. My favourite jacket looks big on me! It was just right in the spring, but hormones have done their thing during the summer. Even when I still weight roughly the same. So I might need to buy new jacket as well.
I went to buy some more make up as well little while ago as my eyeliner was ending. And ended up buying Jeffree Star unicorn blood, liquid lipstick. I used it in Tracon and realized how much of a difference it actually makes. I'm planning to start using it daily from now on, it is the perfect shade for me. I have used make up daily for about one month now and it starts to feel like second nature to me. I do my work war paint in less than a quarter of an hour, as doing it takes time even when I'm used to doing it. I can notice it mostly how fast and easily I do the eye contours nowadays.
One way of noticing how well I go through is how people stare me. I seized one other woman, about the same age as me, or little younger, from staring me in local hypermarket. And how I read her was that she was admiring my shoes and/or skirt. At least at that moment when I saw her staring. But I haven't seen women staring me that openly before. Maybe it is that I'm blending in a women by standing out with my style. As gothic style stands out quite vividly. I'm starting to feel very Mira as well, which is somewhat new and feels so good.
That should be most of what has happened in the past week and a half. I'll try to write weekly again, we will see how well I can keep up with that.
Last weekend was Tracon. Went pretty smoothly and I took every bit out of it I could. So much socializing and doing things. And I went through so consistently it starts to frighten me. I still don't feel that my voice is through-going but when I look how people react to me and talk to me, I'm definitely going through. No doubt! One of the guests of honor made this quite clear to me even though I didn't say one word to him that I'm trans. Although being very goth with high-heeled boots helped with going through as gothism is still perceived as feminine thing. And people called me crazy when I danced in 12cm high heels in the evening party on saturday 😂. The guest of honor also complimented my favourite necklace ❤.
On tuesday I went to phonotherapy clinic. The doctor there interviewed me a bit, asked me to read short text and even him said that my voice is quite through-going and that my work haven't gone in the vain. They also did throat endoscopy (tähystys in finnish) which was quite unpleasant. But they found that my vocal cords were clean and in good condition so what I have been doing isn't damaging them. Which is great news! They also wrote reference for voice therapy as I would benefit it even when I have this through-going voice. But it could be even better.
It's getting colder again. And I realized that, as I'm quite easily feeling chilly nowadays, that I don't have much other than company hoodie to on top of t-shirt other than proper jacket. So, I ordered some clothes from EMP. And caused even more problems in a long run as I have to use credit card. Fortunately the financially hard times should be soon-ish over. But, I ordered couple of long-sleeved shirts, couple of hoodies and one bolero. Those should be enough for now. I also realized that my body type has changed quite a much. My favourite jacket looks big on me! It was just right in the spring, but hormones have done their thing during the summer. Even when I still weight roughly the same. So I might need to buy new jacket as well.
I went to buy some more make up as well little while ago as my eyeliner was ending. And ended up buying Jeffree Star unicorn blood, liquid lipstick. I used it in Tracon and realized how much of a difference it actually makes. I'm planning to start using it daily from now on, it is the perfect shade for me. I have used make up daily for about one month now and it starts to feel like second nature to me. I do my work war paint in less than a quarter of an hour, as doing it takes time even when I'm used to doing it. I can notice it mostly how fast and easily I do the eye contours nowadays.
One way of noticing how well I go through is how people stare me. I seized one other woman, about the same age as me, or little younger, from staring me in local hypermarket. And how I read her was that she was admiring my shoes and/or skirt. At least at that moment when I saw her staring. But I haven't seen women staring me that openly before. Maybe it is that I'm blending in a women by standing out with my style. As gothic style stands out quite vividly. I'm starting to feel very Mira as well, which is somewhat new and feels so good.
That should be most of what has happened in the past week and a half. I'll try to write weekly again, we will see how well I can keep up with that.